TNA Final Resolution 2007

Date: 01/14/2007

Location: The Impact Zone in Orlando, FL

Announcers: Mike Tenay & Don West

The Setup

After running the match three straight PPVs in a row, this was the last match of the first Joe-Angle trilogy. This event also took place during the height of the horrible Sting-Abyss-Jim Mitchell storyline, which was a more modern version of Slick and Kamala’s “you are a man” deal, if you think about it. Sting and Abyss were teasing their friendship as they challenged Christian Cage in a three-way for the title, while Mitchell disapproved. Yes, Russo was obviously here because everyone hates each other and lacks trust.

The Business 

This show was reported to have 34,000 PPV buys across various online sources. That was only down a thousand from their last PPV, Turning Point 2006, also headlined by Joe vs. Angle. For context, 34,000 was their third-highest in 2007, only behind Lockdown and Bound for Glory. They never sold PPVs well, but this was on the higher end by their standard. There’s probably an article to be written on how Angle affected PPV buys for Back Then Business, but I digress.

They were in the Impact Zone. Who gives a fuck about attendance? 

The Results

Last Man Standing Match: Rhino def. AJ Styles in 14:44 *3/4

X Division Title Match/Three Way: Chris Sabin def. Christopher Daniels (C) & Jerry Lynn in 11:42 ***1/4

Paparazzi Championshp Series Finals: Alex Shelley def. Austin Starr in 10:18.**1/4

James Storm def. Petey Williams in 6:41 **

World Tag Team Title Match: LAX (C) def. Team 3D by DQ in 10:21*1/2

Iron Man Match: Kurt Angle beat Samoa Joe in 30:00. ***1/2

• Joe beat Angle (12:54) via submission.
• Angle beat Joe (16:03) via submission.
• Angle beat Joe (18:56) via submission.
• Joe pinned Angle (22:19).
• Angle pinned Joe (24:41)

World Title Match/Three Way Elimination: Christian Cage def. Abyss (C) & Sting *3/4

• Sting pinned Abyss (5:26).
• Cage pinned Sting (13:06)

Notable Happenings

The main event saw typical TNA bullshit with Abyss predictably swerving us all (yes, they write in oxymoron) and attacking Sting so Christian could get the win. This timeframe was when Sting was trying to save Abyss’s soul or some shit, probably making the Stinger fondly remember the good old days of feuding with Vampiro in 2000. What a career arc for the Stinger. Christian won with the frog splash after Abyss attacked Sting, who was attacking Mitchell. Did you follow that? Who cares?

In the submission match, both men did something similar here that Benoit and Angle did at Backlash 2002, where they would tap out quickly by pro wrestling standards because they didn’t want to be hurt the rest of the match. While psychologically making sense, TNA picked THIS time to finally make sense and produced the worst of the three Angle-Joe matches they did right off the bat. The live crowd didn’t know how to react because it went against everything they’d ever seen with quick, non-dramatic tap outs. Plus, they ran this match three months in a row – their one fresh dream match – and we saw seven finishes combined in those matches. Way to burn it out, guys. The finish came down to Joe with an ankle lock on Angle, and time expired before the submission.

A drunk Brother Runt (in storyline) ran in the tag team title match for the extremely lame DQ finish. These two teams didn’t mesh well at all.

They did the Last Man Standing match that ended when AJ stayed down instead of getting up for a piledriver through a table. It’s a way to get heat, but a horrible fucking finish to a match with a stip that heavy. My goodness. Getting heat for your promotion is not how you start a show.

In the PCS match, the first two judges split their votes, then Bob Backlund went into some lunatic explanation that ended with him declaring a tie. Shelley won very quickly in OT with a cradle. They were building to Backlund vs. Austin Starr. Why?!?!?! The segment ended with Low Ki kicking Aries’ ass and Backlund giving him the chicken wing.

In the X division title match, Lynn was about to pin Daniels after a cradle piledriver, but Sabin rolled up Lynn for the cheap heel win. They were starting a program between the two. I completely forgot Jerry Lynn had a 2007 comeback.

I had completely blocked out a segment of this show from my memory. I immediately got PTSD when I realized what it was. The James Gang (New Age Outlaws) challenged DX to a “fight” on this show in a segment similar to Bischoff challenging Vince when he was desperate. After claiming victory because DX didn’t show up (because they didn’t wrestle at amusement parks), Christy Hemme came out and cut one of the most CRINGE promos in the history of the business. She started cutting a promo on BG & Kip, discussing how they disrespected Joanie Lauer by not bringing her up in DX, and she was SHAKING, CRYING. My God, what the fuck am I doing with my life? It was so uncomfortable, made worse by BG trying to calm her down and Kip basically telling her to suck his dick and then getting slapped. This was all-time bad, but so fucking surreal, it’s hard to rewatch and laugh. Fuck off, TNA, for even taking the fun out of the bad shit.

Jackie and James Storm beat up Gail Kim after Storm’s match to set something in motion with Gail and Jackie.

The Best, The Worst, The Underrated

The Best: This is tough because there wasn’t a lot of great on this show, but probably the psychology of the submission match, even if it didn’t work live.

The Worst: Had to be the James Gang/Christy stuff, but the typical main event swerve was close.

The Underrated: Nash being with the X Division guys. Not all of the comedy was great, but it did showcase more of the guys’ personalities and worked quite well for Alex Shelley’s character development.

Backstage Notes

Reportedly, Russo wrote the Christy Hemme angle for Chyna, but they couldn’t get her due to pricing. It would have made more sense, but it would still have been awful.

Rating: 2.0/10.0

I’ve said many times that TNA had a ton of wrestling talent but no real idea how to use it. Nothing highlighted that more than this show. There were some great performers on this show, and there wasn’t a single great match. In fact, most matches were made far worse with a stupid stipulation or finish surrounding the stip. Fuck this show, especially for the Christy Hemme heel feminist angle, which was equally parts offensive, unwatchable, and wretched. Do not bother with this show.