TNA Final Resolution 2007

Date: 01/14/2007

Location: The Impact Zone in Orlando, FL

Announcers: Mike Tenay & Don West

The Setup

After running it three straight PPVs in a row, this was the last match of the first Joe-Angle trilogy. This was also during the height of the horrible Sting-Abyss-Jim Mitchell storyline, which was a more modern version of Slick and Kamala’s “you are a man” deal if you think about it. Both were teasing their friendship as they challenged Christian Cage in a three-way for the title, while Mitchell disapproved. Yes, Russo was obviously here.

The Business 

This show was reported to have 34,000 PPV buys across various online sources. That was only down a thousand from their last PPV, Turning Point 2006, also headlined by Joe vs. Angle. For context, 34,000 was their third-highest in 2007, only behind Lockdown and Bound for Glory. They never sold PPVs well, but this was on the higher end by their standard. There’s probably an article to be written on how Angle affected PPV buys for Back Then Business, but I digress.

They were in the Impact Zone. Who gives a fuck about attendance? 

The Results

Last Man Standing Match: Rhyno def. AJ Styles in 14:44. They did a LMS that ended when AJ stayed down instead of getting up for a piledriver through a table. It’s a way to get heat, but a horrible fucking finish to a match with a stip that heavy. My goodness. This is not how you start a show. *3/4

X Division Title Match/Three Way: Chris Sabin def. Christopher Daniels (C) & Jerry Lynn in 11:42. All three worked well together, and Lynn looked good for someone who was no longer working full-time. They had a good back-and-forth with believable nearfalls at the end. Lynn was about to pin Daniels after a cradle piledriver, but Sabin rolled him up for the cheap heel win. ***1/4

Paparazzi Championshp Series Finals: Alex Shelley def. Austin Starr in 10:18. The PCS thing didn’t seem to get over, and made the match much worse than it would have been otherwise with these two. The crowd didn’t care here much at all. Maybe it was because it was a joke, and they knew it because of the presence of Samoalian Joe, Benog, and Bob Backlund as judges to help decide a tie. I honestly give TNA credit for trying to do something creative with the X Division guys, but this seemed like it was the boys booking their own shit. The work was good, but there wasn’t a lot of heat, and they eventually reached the ten-minite time limit. The first two judges split their votes, then Backlund went into some lunatic explanation that ended with him declaring a tie. Shelley won very quickly in OT with a cradle. The videos of Nash hanging out with the young X Division workers had some funny moments, but didn’t land overall. They were building to Backlund vs. Austin Starr. Why?!?!?! **1/4

James Storm def. Petey Williams in 6:41. This looked good on paper and was “meh” at absolute best. Storm won by holding the ropes. **

World Tag Team Title Match: LAX (C) def. Team 3D by DQ in 10:21. A drunk Brother Runt (in storyline) ran in the match for the DQ finish, and it was an abysmal end to an okay match at absolute best. The two teams didn’t mesh stylistically at all. *1/2

Iron Man Match: Kurt Angle beat Samoa Joe in 30:00.

• Joe beat Angle (12:54) via submission.
• Angle beat Joe (16:03) via submission.
• Angle beat Joe (18:56) via submission.
• Joe pinned Angle (22:19).
• Angle pinned Joe (24:41)

Both men did something similar here that Benoit and Angle did at Backlash 2002, where they would tap out quickly by pro wrestling standards because they didn’t want to be hurt the rest of the match. While psychologically making sense, TNA picked THIS time to finally make sense and produced the worst of the three Angle-Joe matches they did right off the bat. The live crowd didn’t know how to react because it went against everything they’d ever seen with quick, non-dramatic tap outs. Plus, they ran this match three months in a row – their one fresh dream match – and we saw seven finishes combined in those matches. Way to burn it out, guys. The finish came down to Joe with an ankle lock on Angle, and time expired before the submission. ***1/2

World Title Match/Three Way Elimination: Christian Cage def. Abyss (C) & Sting

• Sting pinned Abyss (5:26).
• Cage pinned Sting (13:06).

This was typical TNA bullshit with Abyss predictably swerving us all (yes, they write in oxymoron) and attacking Sting so Christian could get the win. This is when Sting was trying to save Abyss’s soul or some shit, probably making the Stinger fondly remember the good old days of feuding with Vampiro in 2000. What a career arc for the Stinger. Christian won with the frog splash after Abyss attacked Sting, who was attacking Mitchell. Did you follow that? Who cares? *3/4

Additional Gaga

-I had blocked a segment from this show of my memory completely. I immediately got PTSD when I realized what it was. The James Gang (New Age Outlaws) challenged DX to a “fight” on this show in a segment similar to Bischoff challenging Vince when he was desperate. After claiming victory because DX didn’t show up (because they didn’t wrestle at amusement parks), Christy Hemme came out and cut one of the most CRINGE promos in the history of the business. She started cutting a promo on BG & Kip, discussing how they disrespected Joanie Lauer by not bringing her up in DX, and she was SHAKING CRYING. My God, what the fuck am I doing with my life? It was so uncomfortable, made worse by BG trying to calm her down and Kip basically telling her to suck his dick and then getting slapped. This was all-time bad, but so fucking surreal, it’s hard to rewatch and laugh. Fuck off, TNA, for even taking the fun out of the bad shit.

-Gail Kim tried telling the ref that James Storm cheated because she turned on Storm when he blinded Chris Harris, and eventually gave him a low blow. Jackie came out, and she and Storm beat the shit out of Petey. I’m all for anything that helps the Storm vs. Petey program.

-All of Nash’s X Division guys came down after the PCS finals to congratulate Shelley. Starr was pissed, and it ended with Low Ki kicking his ass and Backlund giving him the chicken wing.

The Verdict

Thumbs Down 

I’ve said many times that TNA had a ton of wrestling talent but no real idea how to use it. Nothing highlighted that more than this show. There were some great performers on this show, and there wasn’t a single great match. In fact, most matches were made far worse with a stupid stipulation or finish surrounding the stip. Fuck this show, especially for the Christy Hemme heel feminist angle, which was equally parts offensive, unwatchable, and wretched. Do not bother with this show.